Monday, December 30, 2013

Failed

I've alluded to the fact that we underwent fertility treatments to conceive our son. At the time it felt like a big undertaking. Huge. But it went unbelievably smoothly and we got pregnant easily. "Awesome! My body loves making babies" I thought.

To prepare for that fertility cycle I went crunchy. Like big-ole-hippy-granola mama. I eliminated caffeine. I went to acupuncture. I amped up the yoga. I meditated. I ate tons of green vegetables. I meticulously organized my supplements. Booze? Gone. My mindset was: no regrets. If I was asking a lot of my body I was going to be kind in return. 

Now it's today. Today I got the call that breaks your heart into tiny pieces. "Your HCG test came back negative". 

Over a month ago I toasted the start of a new fertility cycle. 


I'll just say it: I was a little smug. 

Getting pregnant? Easy. It wasn't a problem last time we did this. All that yoga? Pffffft. Chill out, self. Just live life and let this happen. So I told myself. 

But then it didn't go so well. I had an allergic reaction to a medication. My estrogen was unusually low. I started to feel, well, crazy hormonal. Poor Mr. Fix-It. I really did get cray cray. None of the process was smooth or easy. 

So here we are. Failed. Not exactly how I hoped to start the New Year, but time for a fresh start nonetheless. 

14 comments:

  1. We had struggles with infertility before having our son as well, there's not much that's as painful as seeing/hearing that the test was negative. Sending good thoughts your way!

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  2. I had no idea mama...I will be thinking of you and your family! Xo

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  3. Having gone through several failed cycles of fertility meds, I know too well what you're going through. You made it once, and you will again. Cheers to a wonderful 2014!

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  4. I'm so sorry. I never went through fertility treatments (well clomid, but ehh it doesn't really count) but we had so many failed cycles and I know how you feel; and that feeling sucks and I am so sorry. Have a happy new years.

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  5. I'm sorry. :( I hope you have a good new year's, and I'll be thinking of you.

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  6. I'm so sorry, friend. I had a feeling. Big hugs and hopes for good news soon.

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  7. hugs. crossing fingers for the next cycle.

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  8. I am so sorry you didn't receive the good news you were hoping for. I have been through several rounds of failed fertility treatments and was wondering what you thought about acupuncture.

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