I've alluded to the fact that we underwent fertility treatments to conceive our son. At the time it felt like a big undertaking. Huge. But it went unbelievably smoothly and we got pregnant easily. "Awesome! My body loves making babies" I thought.
To prepare for that fertility cycle I went crunchy. Like big-ole-hippy-granola mama. I eliminated caffeine. I went to acupuncture. I amped up the yoga. I meditated. I ate tons of green vegetables. I meticulously organized my supplements. Booze? Gone. My mindset was: no regrets. If I was asking a lot of my body I was going to be kind in return.
Now it's today. Today I got the call that breaks your heart into tiny pieces. "Your HCG test came back negative".
Over a month ago I toasted the start of a new fertility cycle.
I'll just say it: I was a little smug.
Getting pregnant? Easy. It wasn't a problem last time we did this. All that yoga? Pffffft. Chill out, self. Just live life and let this happen. So I told myself.
But then it didn't go so well. I had an allergic reaction to a medication. My estrogen was unusually low. I started to feel, well, crazy hormonal. Poor Mr. Fix-It. I really did get cray cray. None of the process was smooth or easy.
So here we are. Failed. Not exactly how I hoped to start the New Year, but time for a fresh start nonetheless.