Week 17 was my least favorite BY FAR. Anxiety is never pleasant. Anxiety about your baby and knowing there's nothing you can do - the worst feeling I could imagine.
Late last week I was at a conference. During one of the breaks I used the restroom. And discovered I was bleeding. I quickly called my doctor expecting her to tell me to go home, rest, and to call if it got worse or if anything changed. Instead, she told me to immediately head to the ER and ask for OB Triage. That's when I started to get nervous. I grabbed my stuff and bolted.
I called Mr. Fix-It, and he decided he was going to meet me at the hospital. I got situated and a nurse asked me a bunch of questions about what was happening. Then nurse-in-training-I'm-dumb-as-rocks tried to find a fetal heartbeat. She gently rubbed the doppler over my belly for what felt like an eternity. Reality: 5 minutes-ish. She could tell I was starting to get anxious, reassured me "this happens", and then I firmly suggested that it was time for an ultrasound. She pulled out the wand-thing and again began aimlessly moving it around. "My doctor pushes A LOT harder" I informed her. The first nurse came over, pushed the wand more firmly and POP! baby on the screen. I stared. Praying to see movement.
Baby started moving, and the nurse pointed out that baby's back was facing out. She found a strong and steady heartbeat. THANK GOD. Then she did an exam and concluded that she had no idea what caused the bleeding. I took this as good news, but sometimes answers are nice. Ultimately, the whole incident was rendered a fluke and I was told that everything looked as it should.
I was unbelievably relieved, but also had terrible feelings of anxiety over the next several days. What if something really had been wrong? What if they missed something? What if? What if?
Fortunately, I'm feeling significantly better now and I have a follow up appointment "just to make sure" next week. This motherhood stuff can really knock you for a loop, but it also keeps you focused on what's most important.